When I wrote my very first blog post many years ago (which was deleted long ago in one of my many website overhauls), I was just starting to dip my toe in the spirituality pool and was deep in the trenches of personal growth. I had just finished one of Gabby Bernstein's courses and thought, "Maybe I'll become a life coach... I should start a blog."

(Is that just me, or does everyone that goes through a massive spiritual growth suddenly feel like their calling is to be a life coach?!)

Inspiration hit when I remembered Pam Grout's book, E-Squared, and I decided to model my brand-new blog after her experiments. I was, after all, a chemist and it seemed pretty kitschy to write a blog based on life experiments.

So, in full irony, after at least 4-5 rebrands and website re-dos, I have circled back to inspired blogging from Pam... this time from Art & Soul Reloaded.

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I've been in a rut. The thing is, I've tried so many businesses and blogs because I hate what I do. I chose it before I knew God and before I was really even listening to myself.

I found through years of personal development that I had just been going through motions. I was taking steps that seemed like the next great thing, but I wasn't really going anywhere. I thought I was. I became a chiropractor thinking I was going places!

Well, I guess I was... just the wrong places. 

I threw myself into a side hustle trying to get myself back on track. But whether it was a lack of consistency or lack of passion, none of them worked.

So, here I am. Back to blogging about my lessons and my life.

I'm not going to lie. It's a little exciting. This is the stuff I love. 

I could have just set up some crappy little blog page and started typing because, let's be honest, who's really reading this anyway? But I love putting pages together and making little graphics. It's why I've been trying different versions of this for so long.

I love spreadsheets and planning and crafting a beautiful page!

The problem is that I don't think I know myself all that well yet. Or maybe I do but I'm afraid to be the authentic version of me.

Little girl Crystal was a very different person. She was disturbingly shy in public, but at home she was hilarious and fun. She did impersonations and put on plays. Don't get me wrong, I still think I'm hilarious but I'm definitely hiding behind the facade of a professional perfectionist.

Art & Soul Reloaded is my attempt to get out of my head and return to the real me. And, honestly, I'm hoping to find inspiration for my next big idea.

It's a book. And boy, do I love books!

But really it's a guide to get back to inspiration, to get back to messy, to start doing and creating rather than procrastinating and perfecting. It's about listening to the muses and being the free-flowing artist that lives inside you again.

It's exactly the kind of book I need to get out of the funk I've put myself in.

Every week, there is a brand-new art project to complete and starting this blog was one of them. (Not going to lie, I was actually contemplating it as I was reading the chapter, before I knew it was the assignment.)

The unfortunate business is that I'm not currently working. Finding a job as an administrative assistant or a data entry clerk is shockingly difficult when your career history shows mostly chiropractic.

So, my weekly art projects are daily ones. But at least I'll have something to write about every day...

Kind of weird, right?!

Okay, funny story. I have this thing where I feel like I always have to be doing something. I'm kind of a loser if I'm not working on something.

Maybe like a week ago, I had the idea to help solopreneurs get their online businesses started. Remember how I've started a million businesses? Well, I felt like I could maybe help...

Except I hate social media and the idea of constantly creating content for it is always why I end up giving up. It's legit the worst. So, I kind of decided, "What the hell am I doing?"

But, I already created a logo and an Instagram page and all that. And since this is an experiment in finding my wealth and passion... eh, it works.

I truly do hate social media, but I also feel slightly compelled to share these posts on it. It feels stupid but I've also learned to do the things you have the inkling to do.

Plus, when there's actual content to push that I like creating, it shouldn't be as difficult to get it done.

Now, the irony in this is that I gave up social media for Lent.

So, I'm literally only getting on to post. I'm not letting myself get sucked into the doom scroll!

I'm attempting to come daily while I figure things out. I don't really expect a huge draw so I'll likely be raw and outrageous, like the voice in my head.

If it comes out offensive, go ahead and cry in your safe space. I'm probably not the girl for you anyway. I've discovered that the real me has wildly strong opinions and I seem to be a slight outlier.

(Week 5's project was to come up with the title to your memoir. This is what I settled on... Turns Out I'm a Conspiracy Theorist: How I Awakened in the Matrix and Found the Real Me. Again, I think I'm pretty hilarious.)

So, come back for my daily inspired thoughts and hopefully a little laugh. And follow me on Instagram. I'll try to come up with a fun post to keep you updated. No promises on that though.