Let’s be real—if letting go of past trauma was as easy as “just move on,” we’d all be floating around like healed little angels with zero triggers and glowing skin.

But nope. Instead, we’re out here snapping at people over dumb stuff, waking up at 3am replaying old conversations, and praying “God, please help me” like it’s our part-time job.

Here’s what most people won’t tell you: Not letting go is costing you more than you think.

Your peace. Your energy. Your relationships. Your purpose.

It’s time to cut the emotional deadweight and finally trust that what’s ahead is better than what’s behind. But we’re not doing it with wishful thinking—we’re using strategy, soul, and some straight-up science.

This website may contain links to affiliate websites. When you make a purchase through an affiliate link placed on my website, I may receive a small commission at no additional cost to you.

This isn’t about pretending to feel “blessed and highly favored” when you’re actually feeling lost and broken.

This is about cracking the door open to the possibility that your pain wasn’t pointless. That what happened to you doesn’t have to define you. And yes—God might actually use it for something good. (You know, like the abuse victim that goes on to save countless lives through her story.)

You don’t have to fake faith. You just need an ounce of willingness to believe.

Say this out loud (or mutter it in the shower—whatever works): “God, I’m open to the idea that You can do something with this mess.”

That’s your starting point. Not perfection. Just permission.

Okay, let’s not sugarcoat it. Some of the stuff that happened to you was garbage. It was painful. Unfair. Maybe even traumatic.

But here's the truth: You can’t change it, but you can change what you do with it.

Start by asking:

This is what reframing looks like—it’s not toxic positivity. It’s tactical power. You’re not pretending it didn’t hurt. You’re just refusing to let it keep hurting you.

Journal prompt: “One thing I gained because of what I went through is…”

Own it. That strength? It’s yours now.

Let’s get something straight: Forgiveness is not saying, “It’s all good.”

Forgiveness is saying, “I’m not letting this person live rent-free in my head anymore.”

That ex I had, he couldn’t make up his mind about who he wanted – me or the shiny new person without an entire history with him.

And while most women just getting started in a new relationship would have walked away from his indecision, this girl wanted to win.

When I say I hated this girl… it doesn’t even really cover it. She was pure evil in my eyes. I hated her long after I forgave my ex, but I prayed to find a way to let go of the hurt.

Then one day it finally occurred to me that it had to be her.

Anyone else would have left, leaving me in a toxic, resentful relationship. I would have settled for someone that I wasn’t meant to be with out of fear of being alone. And I was finally able to forgive her and let go of all that past trauma.

You can forgive someone and never let them back into your life.

You can forgive someone who never apologized.

You can even forgive yourself—especially if you've been dragging around shame for something you did (or didn’t do).

Write a letter. To the person. To yourself. To your younger self. Doesn’t matter. You don’t need to send it. You just need to say it.

Example starter:
“I’ve been carrying this hurt long enough, and I’m ready to set it down…”

Even if you’re not “ready to forgive,” just say you’re open to the idea.

Say this prayer: “Dear God, I don’t want to feel this pain anymore. I don’t want to hold on to this hurt. Change my heart. Break through the tiniest crack that I am leaving for you and help me find forgiveness for this person/event/trauma.”

That’s enough to start shifting your heart—and open the door for grace to get in.

Here’s where we get into the good stuff. The deep stuff. The science-y stuff.

If you've ever caught yourself having a disproportionate reaction—like flipping out over something small, shutting down in conflict, or people-pleasing to the point of resentment—that's likely your inner child running the show.

Why? Because trauma gets stored in the emotional brain, not the logical one.

You’re literally rewiring your nervous system by giving your younger self what she didn’t get: safety, love, acknowledgment.

I had no clue about any of this stuff when I was figuring out how to heal. But thankfully God placed a Reiki practitioner in my life at the right time. (I didn’t believe in that woo-woo energy crap! I was only trying to network with her.)

I bawled my eyes out the first time I “hugged” little Crystal. And I felt a massive weight lift off of my chest.

A guided session is always great (you can find a practitioner or look for a meditation on YouTube). But here is a technique you can try on your own.

Do this regularly. Talk to her often. The more you show up for her, the less she’ll hijack your present.

We all say we’re surrendering stuff to God, but let’s be honest—most of us are handing it over with one hand and grabbing it back with the other.

I’ve thought I surrendered a million times only to realize I was still trying to control every step.

Here’s the deal: Letting go isn’t passive. It’s a practice.

It looks like:

You don’t need to know the next ten steps. Just the next one. That’s how you “let go and let God”—not by being perfect, but by showing up anyway.

Letting go of the past isn’t soft.

It’s not weak.

It’s freaking brave.

It’s choosing freedom over familiarity.

It’s deciding you’re worth more than what hurt you.

It’s saying, “God, I’m tired of dragging this. I’m ready for something better.”

And here’s the truth, friend: As soon as you start letting go, you start letting in everything you’ve been praying for.

And if you want some help making room for the good stuff, join my newsletter where I give you weekly inspo and soul food for your next chapter. Join below.