Perfectionism is a bitch and inaction is painful.

I am constantly wondering if I'm doing enough. I don't think that I am. But my hope is that with enough small actions, it will count toward something bigger than me.

My downfall is money. I worry too much about it and I think that's why it eludes me to some extent. I've always had enough, so what am I even worried about?! It's always worked out and yet I still struggle with worry.

This is why I started daily money affirmations and why I share them online. I can't be the only one that needs to work on my wealth mindset.

But there's a reason God directed me here with spiritual traffic controllers waving their lighted batons toward this blog. Just a guess but I don't think it's for the money.

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There's a saying by someone that says something like, "Do it for the love of it and the money will follow."

Well, I've been too in love with money. It consumes my thoughts. And we all know that the love of money is the devil's path - it gets you nowhere but trouble.

Life is really about how you can help people. If you can help people, you can do something with that. So, I've been wracking my brain, "How can you help people, Crystal? Do you even have any talents? What could you really do for someone anyway?"

(My brain doesn't like me very much usually, but it's gotten a little nicer over the past few years.)

I've pulled myself through some heavy stuff. Heavy stuff to me. It might be nothing to someone else (I once knew a girl that hated me because nothing bad has ever happened to me, at least to her standards or knowledge), but I still feel like what I learned is applicable to everyone.

I've learned a buttload about digital marketing and copywriting and web design. And I know quite a bit about holistic health and anti-aging.

I've got some knowledge to drop! The problem is that I'm not so excited about any of it that I can talk about every last detail until the end of my days.

So, what's a girl to do?

My boyfriend, Carlos, would probably kill me for telling this but what he doesn't know can't hurt him, right?

Since coming to this country, Carlos, (with very little choice on his part) became a carpenter. Amazingly enough, he discovered that he loved it. Having never done anything with his hands before, he was even shockingly good at it.

It's been a very long road but he now has his own business and today is his first big project that he fully designed and is constructing.

I cannot tell you how happy this man has been drawing his layouts and putting together every last detail the past few days. Carlos exudes joy anyway, but with this project... he's happier than a corgi on stilts. (For the record, I Googled that and it was the best (and most PG) I could find.)

It brings me great joy to see someone working in the gifts that God has given them. 

I always pray that someday someone will look at me and think I am doing the same. Because what a blessing! To do good works with your God-given gift! To me, that's joy.

While I don't know how I can help people yet, I do know that I need to be authentically me when I do it. I think this blog helps me with that.

I get to practice being the real me (because no one is really watching).

My lifelong war with perfectionism will still continue, I'm sure. But maybe for now I can lock it up for a little while. I can put away the fear of someone else's judgements and opinions. Or my fear of looking like a complete idiot.

They all just keep me in a box that I'm just a little bit too big for. I feel like there's a large personality hiding within this introverted shell and I am determined to break her out!

Here's the sum of it. Do it for the love of others, not for the love of money.

I've been caught in the trap of constantly thinking about what I can do to make more money. "How can I turn this skill into earning potential?"

That kind of thinking just leads to an inevitable collapse. The most successful people first asked, "How can I help others?" and found that the money flowed to them.

Quite frankly, I'm sick of the struggle. I'm ready for flow. What about you?